1 week in to being a 'father'

A week has passed since Hannah was born, and though Andrea and I are both not working which makes it easier, things have gone well and these weeks off are giving us a great chance to establish a routine and sort things out. I'm sure it will get tougher once we get back to work, and I've also been warned the first weeks are the easiest... but who knows. I do believe things will continue to change just as we thing we have everything under control.

Since leaving the hospital we have broken every chinese rule going. We are not employing someone to help us full-time for a month, we are not keeping Hannah inside for that first month, Andrea is not putting special magical potions/foods/etc on her skin, in her body or on Hannah, and so on. In her first week, we've taken Hannah out to Carrefour supermarket twice (once on the busiest shopping day of the year and witnessed a fight in the neighboroing checkout), taken Hannah to the park in minus 8 conditions (well wrapped up of course), met up with friends by taking several public buses, walked a few miles carrying her in our carrier, breastfed her in McDonald's, and more.

We are experiencing the brazen and borderline rudeness of chinese people to shove themselves in her face, demand her attention and expect us to make her available to strangers. We are also experiencing the freedom one has in China to allow kids to run amock on restaurants (ok, that was not Hannah who was of course sound asleep, it was some friends' kids).

It's been exciting for her, though you can't tell! She is definitely a pooper (which is good as it shows she is feeding well) and a sleeper (she slept through Chinese New Year Eve fireworks which is incredible). Her umbilical cord stump has fallen off on schedule and she is managing to go 3-4 hrs between feeds sometimes, although she is not awake much.

Andrea has been incredible. Surprised that people were themselves surprised to see Andrea responding to emails in the hospital, as soon as we got home life continued with cooking (I do help) and even cleaning (our once a week cleaner is on vacation for the New Year). She seems to be a natural at breastfeeding and is fantastic with the baby. All that experience as an opere in Moor Park and Florida 15 years ago is paying off. Her punctuality is great for keeping Hannah on schedule, whilst her concern is evident in the minute-by-minute checks on her whilst I am carrying her.

We're excited that Hannah is on facebook although we could not use her real date of birth since you need to be older than 13 to register. We'll continue to post photos, videos and updates occasionally. Babies are definitely cute, no matter what they wear, what limb they thrust out, what noise they make (whilst sleeping) or what they expel from their body. And most of the clothes we have are too big (at the moment) so all the cuteness is doubled!

Today we got our first photos of her printed to apply for her passport (hilariously her photo will be valid in her passport for 5 years) and began sticking them in the baby book. A few pages in, apparently is space for a photo of her first day of school. Wow. That seems a very long away at the moment. Who knows what the world will be like then - how many more revolutions or recessions or country bankruptcies there will have been, or whether facebook will even still be around. Or will school be conducted through facebook? I've never really thought of the future in much detail, but it does seem to be getting closer. Last week we submitted an application for funding for a 3 year program starting late this year and finishing in 2015. I can't imagine what our 3 year old will be like then - but I know what her passport photo will look like!

Leaving the hospital

Wow, where has 3 days gone. Little Hannah has just celebrated her third day birthday with a drink (Credit to Andrea for that joke!) and we are about to head out into the world with a little more luggage and one more member in the family.

It is amazing to look at her and both wonder how anyone could have made her and also to marvel at how adorable and cute she is. In the last three days we've had quite a few nurses and doctors turning up to monitor Andrea and the baby, but not a huge amount. Baby Hannah has had a few injections and all seems to be fine. Her weight has begun to increase now, and we have her birth certificate. When she applies for visas, she'll say she was born in Beijing!

Although it will cost a small fortune to get her registered at the British Embassy and get her a passport, we can't blame the hospital for that. The hospital has been fantastic, and we are very fortunate to have such good healthcare insurance. We've spent 3 nights here after the birth living in a 5-star hotel with decent food delivered 3 times a day (once was a candle-lit dinner with some nicer food and some wine which went down well with Andrea whose only drunk a few sips in the last  months), vouchers for a free pram (stroller, if you American) since they are out of stock of their imported prams right now, various other freebies like a massage, creams and lots of information.

So now, as we wait to be discharged, we can consider a new life that is ahead. And of course, once we get home we'll have to set up little Hannah's social network pages so everyone can stay up to date with her activities (hint: she is not doing anything that exciting, but she always looks adorable even when doing nothing at all)!

24 hours old

Hannah is now a little over 24 hours old and taking a nap.

Everything "started" on Saturday about 6pm when the contractions started. By 4am they were every 4-5 mins and we were advised to go to the hospital; once there we spent about 12 hours waiting for things to "progress" but they didn't, so we went home 1.5cm dilated around 4pm Sunday. Same frequency and strength of contractions, and our childbirth class teacher advised us that really we needed much more pain and that the current contractions could even disappear and restart several days later. But then at home a few hours later, around 11pm, the pain began to increase. Over the next 2 hours, Andrea was exactly like the videos and diagrams from the class. Somewhat strangely we got out the book with the diagrams and mulled over what "position" was best for her to cope with the pain. In the end the beanbags were fantastic for kneeling on next to (and leaning on) the bed.

When we left the hospital they encouraged us to wait until the water broke until we came in. So we weren't sure if the pain (that was pretty damn intense from what I could tell) was enough or not. Anyway by 1am we figured this is real labour, the so-called "early first-stage" was over and we were in "first-stage". So for the second time in 24 hours we left the house, bags in hand, and ventured into the street to get a taxi. This time though it took 15 mins to get to the main road, instead of 5 the first time, with Andrea stopping every 3 mins for 90 seconds.

Once we got to the hospital things had not changed, which was a relief. A day earlier, everytime the nurse came to check the contractions, they seemed to get stagefright and hide. In lots of pain--and now 4cm dilated--Andrea was quick to ask for medication (known as an epidural) which was duly administered about 20 mins later. And then it all became rather surreal. According to the machine, the contractions were strong, frequent and lasting ages. According to Andrea, there was not much happening, so effective was the epidural. So we relaxed and napped (Andrea included). Every few hours the midwife came to check, and boy things were slow. It took from around 2am until 11am before the magical 10cm was reached. 9 hours of no pain, just talking and sleeping and consideration of what might happen soon. So much for the excitement of labor. This was so dull, i was working on my laptop when i couldn't sleep. It really was surreal. Talk about the calm before the storm!!

Then around 11 or 12 it was time to try to push, but still it was pretty slow and fairly painless stuff. By 12.30 it began heating up, the midwifes began setting things up, about 5 people now were in the room sorting various things' the bed was pulled apart to allow the midwife to get closer up, the legs were spread and some major pushing began. I was alongside, feeling useless with a camera just like a tourist! Never mind, i think the calls of "i can see the head" helped. On the other hand, that first call was when the head was still 2-3 cm inside Andrea and may have given her a false sense of something urgent happening. But it was exciting. Finally! 9+ months; 36 hours since we first came to the hospital; and over the next 45 mins, a push or two every minute or two led to the head finally getting closer and closer; Andrea finally began feeling some pain again (thought he drugs were still minimizing it), and then, in the space of 5 minutes from seeing the tip of the head, I was able to see the entire top of the head. And at that time it actually looked like a head, until then it really could have been anything! Of course, as some people know, babies heads are cone shaped to help them fit though, and then they become more rounded afterwards.

As the buzz around us increased, as did the sweat on Andrea's forehead and the number of empty cups of water surrounding her, Andrea began to wonder if anything was going to happen. I think the encouraging remarks from me and midwife had implied the baby should have been out by now! But then the midwife said quite authoritatively "3 more pushes" and it was about 3 more pushes for the whole top of the head to get though, and then in under a second the rest of the head followed, the umbilical cord was unwrapped from around the neck and in less than another second the entire rest of the body was out. And the baby was in Andrea's arms for about 30 seconds. My camera was clicking. Hard to explain what one feels. Certainly not just one feeling. A mixture of almost everything: fear, excitement, relief, love... who knows. But at the same time it was not so overwhelming.

Very quickly the baby was taken to the table next to the bed, cleaned, measured, checked and all sorts; it was crying, of course; and it was tiny. Insanely tiny. Though everything is relative I suppose. Still big compared to Andrea's tummy! And as professional as could be, just like clockwork things moved fast; baby went back to Andrea; Andrea was sorted out down below; I held baby, baby was weighed, baby was washed, baby was clothed and soon the baby was put in Andrea's arms and her bed was pushed out the delivery room (as someone else needed to use it) to another room whilst i scampered behind with all our bags and clothes in my arms.

Somewhere in amongst all the craziness, Andrea and I may have actually spoken to each other! Now 24 hours later, after a funny procession of nurses and things to come and check up on Andrea and the baby, show us how to bathe the baby, change the nappy (ooh... tricky!), give us some meals, provide discounts and gifts and clothes for the baby, clean the sheets, help check Andrea some more, we are in quiet in the room, with Hannah sleeping. Last night was not that exciting. Breast feeding has been going pretty well so far; sleeping seems to be fine and quite common; crying fairly rare; a series of Firsts has started (the first poop was around age 16 hours); and a birth certificate has arrived.

It still is surreal. A real, life, human being, in my arms, or besides me. Something that will need Andrea and I, something we need to care for, something that will cause grief and provoke love, something that will change everything. Just like that. Of course, things right now are peaceful and life still goes on... I'm taking calls from work, Andrea's sorting out her work from her laptop; a lot of wonderful "comments" and "likes" have flooded in from friends far away through the web, along with SMS from those closer to home (and the odd phone call). And now we have a few weeks, where we'll try not to work too much, try to adjust and try to work out what this really, actually means. Once we get back from the hospital, on thursday, it might seem more real. All the baby stuff will now actually have a baby in it!

Baby Hannah Lane

Born today, 13.21, 3.27Kg

Baby Hannah!

Baby Hannah was born jan 16, 13.21 and 3.2kg.

It's real

at hospital...Fatherhood beckons in 4-8hrs. Yikes!

is it for real or not?

contractions... every 10 minutes or so... is it real or it just "preparation"? Might find out in next day or so! Not getting excited as it could not be anything at all...

When the people don't Trust...

It was a few years ago that I realized how funny it is that the Chinese government does not trust its people -- and whether a government can really survive if that is the case. And it is not a secret; it is actually used as a reason behind many decisions. For example, the reason why the election trials that took place in some villages over the last 15 years have not been expanded and why China's so-called democratic transition (that the government does expect to happen, though does not define when) has not moved any closer is because the government does not trust its citizens to be able to vote sensibly. This is despite the easily-made arguments that many in the West do not vote sensibly yet has not stopped us holding elections!

A second, even more noticeable, issue is related to the government not trusting its people to say what they want, and certainly not to do what they want, and it does not trust them to live according to the law. Two of the biggest issues I still have here is firstly that the constitution is ignored--in theory it protects many rights but in reality citizens do not have those rights because the laws that are intended to put the constitution into practice are so vague and written with get-out clauses that anyone can be put in prison for any reason at all, without any real evidence. These reasons normally relate to 'inciting subversion' or 'not acting in the interests of the State'. And secondly, that the law and the courts are not independent and tend to just do whatever the government wants in ways that they do not even pretend to be legal. In many cases, court cases last just a couple of hours, defendants are only given a few days notice before a case begins, they are allowed limited representation and no explanation behind the courts' decisions are made public (in many cases) beyond a single sentence or two.

So; the government does not trust its people. So be it. This has not been a problem as long as the people believe the government is doing a good job in that they have hope for a better future. And most of them do, partly because things do keep getting better (for the majority of people) and partly because people are convinced by the government-controlled media that things will keep getting better. But there is a nuance that I only recently came to realize matters here. I wrote the word "believe" (believe the government is doing a good job). And to believe in something means you need to trust something. So the people need to trust the government wants to do the right thing and is doing the right thing and is making life better for most people as well as it can.

And herein lies the problem. The government not trusting its people does not matter as long as the people trust the government. But do the people trust the government? Right now, yes... just about. But the ground is shaking and fast. The people have lost trust in many things recently, from the quality and safety of food, to the services the government provides (such as safe transport to school for rural kids), to the charitable system that the government (mostly) runs and beyond. Last Summer, when I was in the UK, a seismic event took place. One almost as important as the Earthquake of 2008. Though where the earthquake generally increased the trust the public had in the government (apart from the fact many did not trust the quality of the schools that collapsed and were built by the government), the event of last summer emphatically did the opposite, and unlike the data related to the number of children who died, or the data around the quality of school buildings, or the data around corruption in school building programs, this time the government could not hide important information about what happened.

It was the train crash outside Wenzhou. A train crash that the public knew about before the government (due to survivors on the train tweeting about what happened), a crash that the public monitored better than the government (again using social media), and noticeably a crash in which the government was on the back foot (and often plain wrong) the entire time--in the information it put out and in its response (noticeably when the local government tried to bury the train carriages even when there were bodies still in them to hinder any investigation and try to get the whole problem to go away quickly). Ever since then as more and more stories of poor quality food and other products have come out, the public has begun to lose trust in the government who is supposed to be protecting the public from dangerous food, dangerous transport and everything else.

China weathered the 2009 economic storm because the people trusted the government could do something and saw that it was doing something. But now, if there is another economic downturn, the people may not trust the government, may know more about what the government is not able to do (the whole social media thing has really revolutionized this country like most westerners would not believe, even though the government tried very badly to censor it, like the rest of the media), and may start to see a less promising future. Despite the economic situation (and many other factors don't look good right now, like the housing prices decreasing that really angers the middle-classes and rich who have put all their savings into property--and the rich matter more than the poor who now may be happy that property becomes a tiny little bit [it is still expensive] more affordable)--what will happen next?

Will the government manage to retain trust? In some cases it is trying to do this with increased transparency, but mostly it is just making grand statements in the media about making sure none of the many problems that have happened will happen again, and trying to reinforce its control over the situation. Yet with new media reducing the influence of the traditional media, this technique is not working any more. And the people are getting smarter. The result? In fact the people are now actually beginning to influence the government even though the people cannot vote. The government is being forced to respond to public criticisms, it is being forced to communicate more, it is being forced to take the public opinion into consideration. It is even allocating funding according to social media campaigns (like one that convinced the government to provide more money for poor children's school lunches).

So this unscientific ramble marks the beginning of 2012. A year when many things remain uncertain in China, particularly how the government can continue to keep stability, keep trust, and keep a promise of a better future. All three are closely linked and if they begin to disappear then we must all be concerned. Instead we must hope that the changes that have been vaguely promised for decades may be sped up, and that the powers-that-be recognize they must give up some control; for China needs to hope it can be just like the United Kingdom - making slow (though at times, wrenching) change over 200 years. And not like almost every other major country that went through at least one revolution...