An early birthday party and getting the balance right as parents

Since Hannah would not be in China in a few weeks for her actual birthday, we needed to have a birthday party (and kind of a leaving party) for her close friends.

We opted not to go for the outside option (previously we had done this before at playgrounds/with cooking and a popular option nowadays is trampolining) and instead go again with the at-home option: a very traditional party with a theme (the film" Frozen"), games (from "musical statues" to "treasure hunt" to "pass the parcel"), a cake made by the birthday girl's mother and so on. The parents were happy to ditch their kids for a few hours. We struggled to keep tensions from boiling over and an eye on everything, but it was a success.

I had a very careful balancing act with timing the music for "pass the parcel" to ensure everyone got something and to manage expectations for all those who did not actually win the final prize (which was then shared with everyone else anyway) and Andrea and I had a similar challenge with the "treasure hunt" outside (where we did some of the games).

The kids made pizza and caused lots of chaos: it was a fairly stressful 3 hours but they all enjoyed it which was the aim, of course. Except for Hannah who enjoyed some of it, but had a massive breakdown during some of the games. First when her ball didn't go in the circle in her early attempts and she was told to go to the back of the line and wait her turn to try again (yet some of her other friends got the ball in the circle earlier than her), and then during the treasure hunt when she had trouble accepting she could not be the first person to find every single "treasure". In fact such a possibility was hinted at in the babycenter.com weekly newsletter about birthday parties!

Just as predicted, Hannah had been very excited for several days (several times each day asking how many more days until her party), was also a little stressed, and was keen to be the center of attention. Hannah has always liked to be the "leader" and "number 1" - which she often is, with a younger sister who looks up to her - and we like to encourage her to be proactive and approach other friends and so on, but we do also have trouble striking a balance in saying it is ok not to always win, for others to win, and for you still to be happy. Clearly we still have some work to do! I think it will help when she moves school. We'll still want her to be extrovert of course and to make new friends, but in a school with more European kids of her size and more extrovert personality (many Chinese kids, especially girls, are quite introvert) she will have to adapt. She has done so before when playing with older kids in other environments, so I'm sure she'll be fine.

It is a tricky balance: supporting a child to grow according to their personality and what is needed to be successful and happy - a balance between extroversion and introversion; leadership and teamwork; strong willingness and compassion and so on. Of course everyone has their own personality, but we all need to adapt based on context and environment to some extent.

Another difficult balance to strike is around spoiling children. We don't think we spoil our kids. They have a nice life, and they have most things. We let them have fun but they don't always get what they want (such as ice cream every day, a little electric sit-in car, roller blades that will only be used once, limits on fair ground rides and so on). Certainly we try to ensure we get what we want and that our kids listen to us, but it's not always easy (especially when children are tired)... lots of compromise and another balance: between rewards, punishments, and trying not to always have to use rewards or punishments as a motivational tool! We think it's ok so far but we continue to learn as parents.

Having said all that, giving Hannah three parties (of a sort) in China, England and Germany won't help!

Chinese Food (and drink)

The last few days in China have led me to reflect on Chinese food since it will be something that will not be as readily available once we leave China.

China has a large variety of food that varies by region, but with so much internal migration there is a lot of each region's food available in other regions - and what most restaurants have in common is a large menu!

There are a lot of favorites that I'd always tend to order--usually vegetables such as broccoli, cauliflower, eggplant, green beans, stewed radish, egg and tomato for example. We're not a fan of cold dishes (a requisite "starter" in China) too much but the smashed cucumber with garlic is good. Meet can be hit and miss in China with some highly variable quality: especially chicken, with lots of bones, and pork with lots of fat so beef is a safer bet and lamb is quite rare (though fantastic when cooked with cumin). From very spicy to sweet and sour or just fried with onions or other vegetables, there is a lot of choice. You can also go for meet cooked in a sizzling pan, or in a pan over a candle on your table, or of course cook it yourself in a hot pot on your table (or in another different style, have it cooked for you in a pot after you select it). It can also be BBQ'd in small skewers or even with a whole animal on a skewer in front of you.

We never used to go for fish too much, but have much more since having kids and finding a style of cooking fish that the kids would like and some fish without too many bones, or at least that enables easy removal of the fish off of the bones. Then of course there is the sort of deep-friend fish in sweet and sour sauce where the bones seem to get fried into smithereens and disappear!

There is the interesting presentation and approaches to combining foods: such as putting diced meat in a small bun to eat it, or putting ice cream inside a hollowed-out, warm, loaf of bread. Both of which are fantastic by the way.

The Chinese love their rice, and also their noodles - and there is a huge variety of noodles, both in how they are made (thin, wide, sliced, diced and more) and what they are made out of (including Spinach for example) and they'll come with anything under the sun if as a main course, on its own if at the end of the meal. Then there is also dumplings, more from the North, but available everywhere in various connotations, normally boiled or steamed (in which case it is not a dumpling strictly speaking), but occasionally fried. Usually dry, but also available in soups; usually filled with something (and it is amazing to watch how fast some cooks can wrap dumplings) but also sometimes without - just the dumpling skin.

Deserts don't really exist thought here is some sweet dishes and desert equivalents in Southern China especially Taiwan and Hong Kong with dim sum and shaved ice (an old favorite of mine was dipping a fruit in molten sugar and putting that in water to cool and go hard).

There's the raw spicy from Sichuan and the hot spicy from Hunan. There's the sweet and sour from the North-East; there's the lighter food from East China. There's the meat heavy food from the North-West, the preference for noodles in the north, rice in the south, and even bread in the North-West.

It is fairly hard to define Chinese food in general unless one talks about how it is eaten: mostly shared dishes, and always with chop sticks (the Chef will slice everything up small in advance). It's also mostly cooked in woks that are multi-functional allowing boiling, frying, steaming and everything in between in one pot. Unfortunately the Chinese still like to use a lot of oil in most of their cooking - it certainly makes it more flavorsome, but also makes it much less healthy.

I could go on forever, but I won't. I also won't try to even list my favorite dishes. I can't cook much Chinese food which is a real shame - it is not particularly hard from what I can tell and is usually just a mix-and-match of ingredients around a few ways of cooking mostly. I love the fact you can take-away any leftovers; and you can usually order food from the local at all hours (or online if so inclined).

Certainly being able to read Chinese is of immense help (even if there is a menu in English the translations can't be relied upon), though there are also frequently photos. I do still vaguely recall my early days in China of eating the same few dishes all the time (that i could pronounce in Chinese) and of lots of pointing (usually at other diners' dishes, sometimes in the actual kitchen). Though there are a million food related words with every part of an animal named differently, every variation in vegetable named differently too. It's not just the difficulty actually finding English names for some of the vegetables that are in the Far East, it is that there is not such a name (or maybe it only exists in Latin!) - 10 different type of mushrooms with different names, for example.

Few meal times would be complete without tea, of course; but also without alcohol from the many different kinds of hard liquor that the Chinese drink (usually awful to my tastebuds) to the lighter (sometimes sweeter) liquors that are quite nice to the generally bland-but-passable lagers and the new-ish tendency for wine.

The endless competition and entrepreneurial nature of China does mean some higher quality and more innovation, that is welcome... though queuing is common at popular restaurants. This also leads to the ready availability of Korean and Japanese food (not too bad), Western food (usually awful pizzas or french fries with something or a all-you-can-eat buffet) and even some Thai or Vietnamese food (highly varied). There's also western bakeries, though they're still outnumbered by Chinese bakeries with their very sweet breads and rolls, the tendency to put various fluffy things on top of the bread, or the desire to stuff the breads with sausages, cream or something else.

I think it is time to end this post for the meantime without even going into the supermarket experiences, the Chinese wet (and dry) markets, the passion for dried (and highly preserved) food and also the cultural connotations around certain foods (like giving and eating sweets for prosperity) or how it is eaten (the customs around serving others, paying and so on). Suffice to say, it is a special aspect of living in China and I foresee one that will be missed.... despite the odd Chinese restaurants overseas, it is certainly not going to be the same!

Vietnam nine years later

So back in Vietnam 9 years with the family (including my dad) after a previous trip. A quick comparison of photos shows some differences: no trekking in the hills in the rain on this trip, but instead visits to indoor and outdoor playgrounds (we actually wanted to visit an indoor water park but it was closed) and purchasing Elsa (from the movie Frozen) clothing at the markets; less visits to bars in the evenings too! My previous visit was longer - about 10 days so I could also see more places (the Demilitarized Zone, Hue, My Son and Sapa for example) than this 6 day trip.

Actually aside from traveling with children this time around (which also means getting less done and moving somewhat slower), the rather crappy weather also affected things - cool and overcast on the boats at Halong Bay and raining in Hoi An disrupted opportunities for going to beaches or swimming - a particular shame for the kids.

In terms of Vietnam: well Hanoi still has insane amounts of motorbikes, but it also has an increasing number of cars (noticeably more than 9 years ago) which makes it much more dangerous; although some roads do seem to be better. The old quarter is still delightful though I don't recall there were so many cafes and hostels there last time. There is still a lot of very local food everywhere on the street (though Andrea was disappointed with the pho, and we tried several). There might be even more clothing markets now that Vietnam has significantly ramped up its manufacturing base (and our hotel this time was right next to a specialist Christmas clothing market). The Thang Long water puppet show has not changed at all (it is interesting reviewing the photos from the previous trip and seeing that it is literally identical in every aspect) and the same grand buildings remain in the French quarter too (though this time with some Christmas decorations reflecting the time of the year).

We didn't go to the Ethnology Museum, but instead went to the Police Museum which was fairly interesting, even with an old motorbike and sidecar the kids were allowed to play in and some kid-size police uniforms they could wear. We also popped by the Vietnamese History museum which really lacked English descriptions of the big picture of what was happening, so the English descriptions of photos of certain people or of certain objects didn't add much value for us.

I don't recall visiting the Hoa Lo Prison last time but it was worth a trip this time: somewhat predictable and not hugely informative, but still. Hannah was a bit scared. A new Vietnamese Women's Museum recently opened too - a nice idea, and fairly well done but only vaguely interesting. I suppose it would be more interesting for those new to Asia who did not know much about women's role in family life or traditional clothing and the like.

Halong Bay is still an incredible place to visit with almost 2,000 limestone peaks jutting out of the sea. It didn't look as incredible as before when it was sunny with clear skies; and it didn't feel as special without viewing the fantastic sunset and sunrise from the top deck of the boat (or indeed sleeping on the boat as it was too cold this time or sunbathing on the boat as the kids preferred drawing), but it is still a real highlight of Asia. Hannah did make it up the 500 odd steps to the viewing platform and enjoyed the large brightly lit cave. She also made friends with some of the others on our tour and both her and Leah enjoyed the rowing boat ride to see the monkeys in the lagoon and making Spring Rolls for dinner on the boat.

Hoi An also remains a real highlight of Asia with several streets of old wooden housing that has not changed much in centuries, as well as some more colorful French buildings in there too. Nowadays almost every building in the old town is a tailor and every building in the rest of the town is a hostel or hotel (several hundred show up online at very cheap prices making it hard to choose!). Not something that kids really enjoy looking at but beautiful for adults. Unfortunately due to major flooding a couple of streets were literally under water and unpassable but otherwise we could see most of what was there. The buildings are very well preserved and there are some delightful cafes and shops.

Apart from spending significant time in the fantastic Dingo's Deli (an Australian restaurant/cafe on the edge of town with great cake and both an indoor and outdoor playroom that are suitable for kids on rainy days) we also did a half-day cooking class. Despite a very wet visit to the market to buy the ingredients it was successful with Hannah helping out a lot, Leah partly watching and partly sleeping, and some good food. Definitely more kid-friendly and suitable for bad weather than hiking or visiting temples!

A good 6-day trip, despite some very average weather, which is cheap to visit from Hong Kong (and with cheap hotels, food and domestic flights, a cheap holiday overall). Certainly recommended for others--even those with kids!

A final weekend in Beijing?

The family and I took a short trip to Beijing over the weekend. I needed to pop by the Social Insurance Fund office to sort some things out. This was the first time I had been to Beijing in more than a year (the previous time was itself the first time in almost a year before that) and it will likely be quite a while before I am back again. So what does one do when one is planning a "final weekend" in Beijing?

First, arrange for some babysittng for the elder child: Mrs Chen, who used to see Hannah on a weekly basis when she was in Beijing cried when she heard she would be able to look after Hannah for a few days - and then promptly went and stocked up on chocolate and sea food! Second, schedule to meet some friends - not that many are left, but the all-encompassing We Chat serves its purpose well (even for Hannah who met her first best friend with whom she had played almost every single day for the first 3 years of her life, though it was not very successful with the friend not showing much interest in Hannah any more). Third, arrange a hotel - hotels are cheap in Beijing in mid-December. It is winter (a few degrees above zero in the afternoon, a few desgrees below zero the rest of the time), it is coming up to Christmas and Chinese New Year, the air is polluted... anyway, with a large supply of hotels, and few domestic or international tourists or business travellers, a good 5-star international hotel can be grabbed cheap.

We had to eat Peking Duck, of course, with our oldest Chinese AIESEC friends, most of whom now have their own kids, or are soon to have them, though many have also moved to Shanghai or overseas. The private rooms eaily available in Chinese restaurants are fantastic (and also necessary when the main rooms get very loudy and/or smoky) and more Western restaurants should consider this!

Andrea and I did some Hutong walking with Leah - from the Lama Temple past the "in" hutong of the beginning of this decade (Wudaoying) all the way to Beiluoguxiang and its older sister, the "in" hutong of the previous decade (Nanluoguxiang) which suitably enough was being renovated again. When I first went there in 2004 there was one cafe on an alley way, and that was it. A few years later it went though successive transformations with literally a hundred new cafes, bars and shops as well as a dramatic widening of the alleyway, and then this spawned out into all the neighboring alleyways. Then the subway came and now the latest renovation.

We couldn't walk down it due to the latest renovations (also including electricity grid upgrades) so we sauntered off down some of the neiboring ones which have not yet been dramatically changed, past a great little market, past the original Great Leap microbrewery and alongside a newly renovated canal to reach Hou Hai, the lake. Hou Hai was "in" even before Nanluoguxiang... originally a short strip of some upmarket bars, and then a hanfdul of lower market bars, it exploded into line upon line of lower market bars, cafes and shops. And it is still going strong actually more than a decade after that explosion began. The upmarket things have moved into other hutongs near by to be more hidden and exclusive, while the rickshaw drivers consider to ply their trade offering to take guests on tours of the hutongs and the lake. 

The transformation of the hutongs are well commented on--from the original large mansions a century ago to smaller dwellings, and now spruced up again in some parts (and destroyed in other parts). The latest change seems to be a policeman on every other corner in the hutongs. The liveliness of the hutongs in this trendy and in-demand area has certainly diminished but a community feel remains in some of them. 

We had lunch in one of the coutyard houses at the far end of the lake, close to Deshengmen, which typifies some of the changes... the courtyard house is now a nice restaurant serving food from South-West China, with a glass roof over the actual courtyard, a children's playground in a small house accoss the alleyway, and lots of small water features and shrubs in the restaurant. Some of the food was great--some soups, eggplant, toufu, lamb and the mijiu (low alcoholic sweet rice wine). The company: former colleagues from BSR, many also now with children. 

Next--a bus. Alway the best way to see a city: with the locals and with a high view. Bus number 5 in Beijing is one of the best, going through the heart of Beijing from the north-west of the hutongs down past the Forbidden City and sweeping past Tiananmen Square to the South-east of the hutongs where we alighted. These hutongs are the polar opposite to those in the north, and in fact we find these ones fascinating. Some of them, alongside the street running South of Tiananmen, have now been totally rebuilt--and are somewhat derelict. The main street populated by upmarket chains and some old local brands; the neibouring alleways to the eat were knocked down and re-built to a plan that has clearly not worked and much of it is now abandoned after being populated a year or two ago. To the west are some of the remaining community hutongs, very tightly nested together and shooting off in all directions with lots of live (in Summer at least) and a nice local feel to them - we enjoyed the walk through as re reminisced of the previous walks.

To the east of that area, is huge trathes of hutongs that have been demolished in readiness for something big. It has taken more than 5 years to get the existing reidents out and to knock everything down. A strange site of rubble and trees with the odd resident/house remaining; and then further east some hutongs that have been superficially restored by plastering a thin layer of additional bricks around their outside to make them look modern. And then eventually out to Chongwenmen, the shopping area that is where almost all chains start their entrance into Beijing, from H&M to Burger King and much more.

And lastly, to wrap up the Hutong tour, via a detour to get a coffee and waffle, to the South, heading towards the Temple of Heaven is our favourite hutong of all, Ciqikou. A small slice or rual China existing in the capital city: residents from around China living, working, selling, buying on one narrow hutong. We loved the feel, and especially the guy selling some of the best BBQ steak found anywhere. But now, white barriers have been laid down the middle of the hutong, and along both sides, restricting any of the shops from setting out their wares. So no more vegetables, no more street snacks, no more outside eating. No more community. No more favourite Ciqikou hutong. Maybe there is a good reason, or maybe there is not. But on our last trip to Beijing we could say RIP to our favourite hutong. Indeed the hutong had only been found once we realized the best places were hidden behind newly built walls designed to hide the best places! At least that insight remains with me. Where there is a nice wall that looks out of place, go look behind it!

And then another bus - the 43, a classic that goes north-east from the Temple of Heaven passing the old Beijing City Walls and train station, up along Jianguomen waidajie past the legacies of old Beijing, such as the Friendship Store (which seems to somehow still exist from what we could tell, despite zero market for it, and no actual sign on the outside anymore), past the modern Beijing: the tall luxurious apartment and office buildings around Guomao and the CBD complete with giant TV screens as roofs for shopping malls as well as glass pyramids for malls, and where all the 3 BSR offices were that I had worked in.

Up to Sanlitun, the original bar area (though the actual original street, Sanlitun south street was knocked down shortly ater I arrived in 2004, the north street and back street remain in various forms) that has constantly re-invigorated itself with new malls, hotels, and bars; flagship shops and more besides. Dinner had to of course be Western if it is in Sanlitun, in this case some Tapas and then American at Home Plate BBQ, the scene of my "leaving Beijing" party 2 years earlier. With perfect timing one of my oldest friends in China, Chris, with whom together we had studied Chinese, climbed mountains, trekked the Southern and Northern borders of China, donated alcohol on trains, and many more adventures besides, was back in China having left a few years earlier to puruse a PhD. A last meal with him and his wife was perfect.

And if that was not enough for a day, there was still time to go all the way out to Shunyi, the home of the rich, the land of the spaced-out and the villa, to meet another of my eldest friends in Beijing, Ben, with whom we had shared thousands of moments on the football pitch, for a drink and a disappointing viewing of a football match (it really was not a good idea to try to play on a sunday night in december in beijing!).

We'd covered so much of Beijing in that day and a half I was vey satisfied. There of course are many places we could not pack in, but much of the best was ticked off. All that remained on the third day was to spend some quality time with the family, thank Mrs Chen, and to enjoy the wonders of the Hai Di Lau hotpot which we'd enjoyed just a few weeks earlier in Shenzhen too. You cannot have a winter in Beijing without having hotpot.

A quick walk around the Lidu area--one of the oldest foreign business districts in Beijing and one that has dramatically changed with new shopping malls, business parks and art districts--ticked another box. Then a final breakfast at the hotel with another old friend and 72 hours in Beijing was complete. Lots of calories consumed, some burned, lots of friends met, and lots of memories stored.

Shenzhen - a week

With my mum in Shenzhen for a week last month, what did we do?

Well during the so-called typhoon (it really wasn't) we went to an indoor trampoline park (last year there was only one in the whole of Shenzhen, now there is even one cloe to where we live so there must be at least 20 in the city so it is clearly the new thing) which is just one of the many many indoor actvities that children can do (though adults can also do the trampolining). We didn't go to any of the other children's playgrounds but there is one in every mall and we have membership cards for a couple of the larger chains.

We had dinner at the legendary Hai Di Lau hot pot restaurant which for those who do not know of it, do not know what good service is. When we went 5 years ago and Andrea was pregnant she was given a special pack of health products and a special back rest to put on the chair. When we went a few months ago the kid got their own booster pillow to ue and keep. This time we made full use of the facilities: the kid's playground which you can monitor on the screen of the tablet on each table and the free manicure for the girls. We ordered the hand-made noodles, and the chef comes to the table to twirl the dough into noodles for you to cook (a hot pot restaurant at its core is where you cook your own food in a boilinig pot of water on your table).

But what makes Hai Di Lau stand out is the small things: the children's cutlery of couse, but small gifts for the chldren and balloons; the aprons for both adults and kids to protect your clothes; the little sign they put on the table saying the table was taken and not to take the food away whilst we were all away from the table for a minute (at manicure/playground/washroom). And of course the actual service and the food are very good. In China it is a well-known chain, and it is popular. It is premium priced and you get premium service. I believe they even pay for the staff's children to get into kindergarten, they go to such extremes. Mum loved it!

We of coure had to take her to Dafen, the art village with hundeds of artists doing originals and replicas right in front of you, as well as some sculptures and other forms of art. Fascinating as always at how good some of them are: especally the likeness of the paintings of real people to the actual photos.

Mum did a day at the Window of the World (a park with replicas from around the world, plu a few rides) which the kids enjoy. She did a day doing arts and crafts, since she is exploring how to do something similar in the UK, she spent time with the kids of course, but that was about it for Shenzhen as well as some drives around town to see bits and pieces. Unfortunately there was not time to check out the multiple parks or some of the nice walking and cycling paths, or some of the other touristy theme parks or even some of the beaches.

Shenzhen is not really a place for tourists to stop by, but there is enough to do for a few days, and then it's just a convenient place to enjoy China--Chinese food, Chinese shops, Chinese skyscrapers and the like. All of which are available in Shenzhen. But as a place for living it really is one of the best places, not just in China, but in the World. Everything is convenient (from transport to shopping) and cheap (renting is cheap, buying is not) especially if one can speak Chinese; everything is digital; everything is fairly new; everything is well organized and fast and professional. The climate is good, the air quality decent, and the quality of life for families is fantastic, as with many other major cities in China with zoos, playgrounds, theme parks, beaches, swimming pools in modern complexe, playgrounds in all complexes. It's been even better than it was set-up me by my Chinese friends when I first arrived 2 years ago.